Self Improvement

By Josey Vogels

When it comes to better living, we’re always resolving to eat better, exercise, quit smoking. Why limit your resolutions to the classics, like quitting smoking or going to the gym? Why not resolve to do things differently when it comes to love?

Single?

Work on yourself before getting involved with someone new. Yes, a new relationship can be a great way to get over someone until you realize the fantastic new person you thought “was nothing like that last one” is suddenly exactly like the last one and the one thing they both share in common is you!

Trust your instincts. He didn’t call when he said he would…again. She says she’s totally over her ex so I’m sure those daily phone calls from him don’t mean anything. It’s easy to overlook bad behaviour when you’re falling for someone and desperately want things to work out but by trusting your gut early on, you’ll save yourself the tearful, angry, “In hindsight, I should have seen the signs” conversations with your friends when the person eventually breaks your heart.

Be more flexible about your type. Opening yourself up to a wider variety of people not only makes you, well, open to a wider variety of people, you may also find it breaks you out of the habit of falling into the same relationship patterns with the same personality types. And resolutions are all about breaking habits, right?

In a relationship?

Listen. Stop worrying about being right and really listen to what your partner is saying. Imagine there is a bouncing ball (like in the cartoons) over your partner’s words. Then follow the bouncing ball, to ensure you’re really focusing on what he or she is saying and not simply busy formulating a rebuttal.

Speak up! About your sexual needs, desires, and frustrations (in a loving and kind way, of course). Encourage your partner to do the same. Start a weekly sexual revelation ritual: You show me one thing you like or don’t like and I’ll show you mine.
Indulge your partner. Do something that they’re into more than you are (either in bed or out). Not only does indulging your partner make them feel special and loved, you may surprise yourself and discover things you never knew you’d get into. And bonus, your partner will be more likely to indulge you right back.

Remember quality over quantity. Stop reading all those surveys that make you think everyone else is having way more sex than you are. Who cares if The Jones’ are doing it seven times a week and twice on Sunday? One, they’re probably lying and two, it’s like looking at models in a fashion magazine: You’ll never feel adequate. Are you two happy with your frequency? The quality? If you’re not, talk about it and figure something out. If you are, I don’t care how often you’re doing it and neither should the two of you.

Josey Vogels is often referred to as “The Carrie Bradshaw of Canada” without the shoe budget.

She is the author of two syndicated sex and relationships columns -- My Messy Bedroom, Dating Girl and blogs for several websites includeing Yahoo!Canada Lifestyle.

Josey has written five books on sex and relationships, including her most recent, Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy. Her 6th book is due later this year.

A popular radio and TV host, her fresh take on matters of the heart have made her Canada’s most sought out sexpert.

For more info, visit joseyvogels.com. Follow her on Twitter.com @joseyvogels